Saturday

Fathers Responsible for Children's Health Insurance

In most states that I have been aware of, when the mother's child support case is handled through Child Support Enforcement (CSE) (mainly when she receives any type of welfare benefits), the father is made responsible for covering the children's health insurance. In my own experience, this was not specifically enforced and the kid just got Medicaid anyway--no money out of my pocket. If there happened to be past/ongoing medical bills, that expense was calculated into the child support formula if mother had been paying it.

But here's another case.

Father and Mother reside in different states.
Children live with the mother.
Father pays child support.
Father is responsible for health insurance.
Mother takes the children to the doc for xyz and pays a decent co-pay.
Mother finds out shortly afterward, that father's health coverage has a $3000 deductible (before ANY health coverage is paid, and thereafter 80% is paid), of which, $0 has been paid thus far.
Children are NOT eligible for Medicaid because the father has them "covered."
Mother cannot afford to buy health insurance for herself or her children.


This is considered reasonable?

Not to mention father was fully aware of his coverage all along.
Not to mention the father is dragging his feet in providing necessary information regarding the insurance company and plan.
Not to mention the insurance company will NOT talk to the mother because she isn't the policy holder.


Sheesh!

Thursday

The Withdrawal Method a.k.a Pulling Out Does Work, for me

Yes, I'm really about to talk about the withdrawal method aka pulling out. I've recently written about abortion, so I might as well amp it up a bit. Please read on if you have an open mind only. I don't care if you call me all types of whore, nasty, trifflin, or whateva; I'm going to tell you what I know. I'm really upset about the comments I've read on Bianca I. Laureano's post on RH Reality Check.

My partners and I have effectively utilized the withdrawal method for more than a decade. This began when I was a teen. Yes, partners with an "s." And effectively as in no pregnancy occurred. And believe you me I have had zero problems with conceiving. Withdrawal wasn't appropriate or even desired in every relationship. The decision wasn't always made far in advance. No, I don't have a latex allergy (though I think it is rare that people actually do) but I am sensitive to it...especially certain condom brands, and nonoxynol 9. Do you know what it does to me? It makes me feel raw.....it is a hot feeling...irritated...swollen...dry...itchy sometimes. It throws my vaginal ph off sometimes, too, causing bacterial vaginosis, which may then cause yeast to overgrow, or vice versa. This kinda kills the post sex orgasmic high. You know what else sucks, feeling nauseous like I'm pregnant while on the birth control pill. Having major migraine attacks while on the shot (although the lack of regular menstrual flow was a plus as far as sex frequency was concerned).

I have had women say to me that I am so lucky as to not have ever had a pregnancy scare while utilizing this method. My answer is that the men that I have been with are responsible and as serious about my not getting pregnant as I am. This is the only way this can ever work. If you are a woman who really doesn't care if she gets pregnant or not, withdrawal may not be for you. If your partner doesn't care if you get pregnant or not, then withdrawal is sure as hell not for you. The man has to care! He has to give a fuck about his life AND yours. And you have to be selective about who you let enjoy the fruits of your pussy! But let me explain why this is a joint effort...

The man must know when to pull the dick out. This must occur prior to ejaculation. Only he knows what this exact point is and he must have it down to a science. There is no,

Oh baby, oh baby, I'm about to cum....oh...whoops...my bad.

If he does say this (well, the first part only), because you both like the explicit bedroom talk, you, as the woman, also should be prepared to either stop moving, maybe even push him away, or hop off the dick yourself. If you know this man and his bodily actions, you can pay attention to his strokes and mannerisms and prepare yourself. But you must be paying attention!!! This doesn't mean that you're not enjoying the sexual experience. You're actually enjoying it more because you and your partner are attuned to each other. This is the ultimate sexual pleasure!!!!

Do not deny women this method of birth control. Do not ridicule women. Discuss time and place issues...pros and cons...emergencies. The woman being abused and subjected to marital/partner sexual abuse/rape may be able to utilize this. How? Some men like the porno images of cum shots and skeeting all over their partner's body. This requires withdrawal. No sperm in the vagina equals no pregnancy and the woman may be able to passively facilitate this course of action.

Everybody is always talking about they know someone who has gotten pregnant using withdrawal. What can we really know about that couple's sexual practices? No more than we know about the sexual practices of heterosexual persons who contract HIV/AIDS. Research is inconclusive as to whether or not there is sperm in pre-cum, or whether there is functional sperm. Those of us who have been effectively using the withdrawal method haven't exactly been advertising it for various reasons which become obvious after reading the comments on posts like Bianca's and several others on RH Reality Check. And while "promoting" this to teens may not seem idealistic, we have to realize that we are dealing with sex...something that is, or can be, free, fun, and spontaneous...there is not always room for idealism. We are assuming that most teens are not capable of this, however that notion comes with the assumption that some teens are not adequately sexually experienced. This same notion can be applied to grown folks, too. Think of the newly married previous virgins...What sexual experience do they have? Or those that have had sex only a handful of times...????

On another note--We seriously need to get off this image of conniving women poking holes in condoms and/or stealing men's sperm. Unless a man is being restricted in some way, withdrawal is and always has been an option.

Some helpful stuff:

Maybe it helps to have partner that is experienced in masturbation--men and women. Men so that they know their body's responses including timing, women so that they know:

1. no dick-in-pussy is required for orgasm--the clitoris can stand alone
2. male and female orgasms are not automatically simultaneous
3. sex doesn't have to end with the male orgasm

Maybe it helps to teach women and men full detail about the menstrual cycle. And maybe if you are in a sexually intimate relationship, you should divulge information about your menses to your partner. Yes, it is personal, but so is sex.

Maybe it would help to practice pulling out while there is another method of birth control in effect (I've had a partner withdraw with the condom on. At the time, I thought it was odd, however, I realized it was a sure fire way to prevent pregnancy.).

Maybe you shouldn't have sex with a partner who has several children already, especially if they are really young, but more so if their ages are consecutive. Pay attention to patterns.

Look, I'm not trying to convince anyone to use the withdrawal method. You should do what you feel comfortable with. Just don't knock those of us who do it and do it well.


Friday

What Australia Says About Shared Parenting

H/T Janet Langjahr

Okay, folks, this isn't news, really. This isn't groundbreaking. People who deal with children....have been dealing with children....People who are genuinely interesting in CHILDREN'S well-being already know what they need. And it doesn't involve flipping back and forth and accommodating the needs of their parents. The father's rights camps, joined by some women's groups, have been pushing hard for the splitting of children just like property under the guise that both parents, equally, is what children need. Bah humbug. There is no credible study that say that children need a father at any specific percentage during the day, week, or weekend. Gimmie a fucking break already.

Most men do not fight their babymamas for child custody, especially child custody that attempts to remove the child completely from mom's care. They don't do this because they know that mom is and has been taking care of the child[ren] in a way that they don't, or can't. That is what is normal. These are men.

On the other hand, ladies, please question the man that so avidly wants custody of his child[ren]...because it may not be all night and shining armor daddy of the year. Think hard about it. Think if he were to do the same thing to you later on. Don't let him tell you that bullshit about how much the babymama is a crackhead...whore...crazy....lesbian...or whatever the word of the day is for him. Something is usually wrong with that picture. Think harder about it. I'm so serious. What father wants to take his breastfeeding baby away from the mother? What father wants his infant spending overnights back and forth and being passed here and there? Would you want this for your own baby...toddler...preschooler? (And I wouldn't even limit it to these young ones.)

Infants struggle in shared care: Report

Children aged under four and school aged children could be put at risk developmentally through shared parenting arrangements following separation, two new La Trobe University/Family Transitions reports show.

Commissioned by the Australian Government Attorney General’s Department, the findings are the latest in a series of reports into the impacts on children of divorce.

The implications of the findings show that greater thought needs to be taken by courts and mediators about parenting arrangements, particularly of very young children, said research team leader Associate Professor Jennifer McIntosh, clinical psychologist, from La Trobe University’s School of Public Health and Family Transitions.

‘Our findings show conclusively that rigid arrangements of any kind, often fuelled by acrimony and poor cooperation, and set out in court orders, are associated with higher depressive and anxiety symptoms in children and this form of living became something children often sought to change,’ she said.

A cooperative parental relationship and a history of warm, active parenting before separation are key to school aged children doing well in any care arrangement,’ she added.

According to Associate Professor McIntosh, the study findings imply that shared care – when children stay overnight with the non-resident parent five nights or more a fortnight – for very young children should not normally be starting point for discussions about parenting arrangements.

The negative impact on the emotional and behavioural functioning of this age group is significant,’ Associate Professor McIntosh said.

The first study, which focused on school aged children in high conflict separation situations, sampled 131 families (260 children), and followed up with personal interviews over four years after divorce mediation.

The study found that shared care arrangements were less stable over time than primary care arrangements, and that rigid arrangements had a significant impact on children and mothers but not fathers.

Children living in rigidly fixed shared arrangements were most likely to want a change in the arrangement, reported most frequent conflict between parents and expressed feelings of being caught in the middle,’ said Associate Professor McIntosh.

While type of care arrangement did not predict overall mental health of the child, living in shared care over 3–4 years was associated with greater difficulties in attention, concentration and task completion. Boys in rigidly sustained shared care were most likely to have Hyperactivity/Inattention scores in the clinical/borderline range.

Fathers with shared care arrangements were the most satisfied with the arrangement, despite reporting higher levels of ongoing conflict about parenting and poorer dispute management,’ she said.

The second study investigated infants and toddlers in separated families using data from the Longitudinal Study of Australian Children.

In infants under two, the study showed that overnight care with the non-resident parent once or more a week was independently associated with high irritability and more vigilant efforts by the infant to watch and stay near the resident parent.

In children aged two to three, shared care at five or more nights per fortnight was associated with lower levels of persistence –playing continuously, staying with tasks, practicing new skills, coping with interruption - and more problematic behaviour - crying or hanging on to the resident parent, high anxiety, being frequently upset; eating disturbances and aggressive behaviour.

In this general population sample, for children aged between four to five, independent effects of any care arrangement on emotional and behavioural regulation outcomes were no longer evident. The vast majority of behavioural and emotional disturbance seen in this age group was accounted for by inter-parental conflict and lack of warmth in parenting.

Collaborating researchers included Associate Professor Bruce Smyth, Australian National University; Associate Professor Margaret Kelaher, University of Melbourne; Professor Yvonne Wells, La Trobe University and Caroline Long, Family Transitions.
Who does shared parenting benefit? Fathers, more specificially Abusive men. Controlling men. Men who still want to be a part of their ex's life as much as possible...sometimes because he can't let go....or he might just want to make her as miserable as possible...or maybe he's still in love with her and he might still be trying to tap that ass on the side.