Thursday

The Withdrawal Method a.k.a Pulling Out Does Work, for me

Yes, I'm really about to talk about the withdrawal method aka pulling out. I've recently written about abortion, so I might as well amp it up a bit. Please read on if you have an open mind only. I don't care if you call me all types of whore, nasty, trifflin, or whateva; I'm going to tell you what I know. I'm really upset about the comments I've read on Bianca I. Laureano's post on RH Reality Check.

My partners and I have effectively utilized the withdrawal method for more than a decade. This began when I was a teen. Yes, partners with an "s." And effectively as in no pregnancy occurred. And believe you me I have had zero problems with conceiving. Withdrawal wasn't appropriate or even desired in every relationship. The decision wasn't always made far in advance. No, I don't have a latex allergy (though I think it is rare that people actually do) but I am sensitive to it...especially certain condom brands, and nonoxynol 9. Do you know what it does to me? It makes me feel raw.....it is a hot feeling...irritated...swollen...dry...itchy sometimes. It throws my vaginal ph off sometimes, too, causing bacterial vaginosis, which may then cause yeast to overgrow, or vice versa. This kinda kills the post sex orgasmic high. You know what else sucks, feeling nauseous like I'm pregnant while on the birth control pill. Having major migraine attacks while on the shot (although the lack of regular menstrual flow was a plus as far as sex frequency was concerned).

I have had women say to me that I am so lucky as to not have ever had a pregnancy scare while utilizing this method. My answer is that the men that I have been with are responsible and as serious about my not getting pregnant as I am. This is the only way this can ever work. If you are a woman who really doesn't care if she gets pregnant or not, withdrawal may not be for you. If your partner doesn't care if you get pregnant or not, then withdrawal is sure as hell not for you. The man has to care! He has to give a fuck about his life AND yours. And you have to be selective about who you let enjoy the fruits of your pussy! But let me explain why this is a joint effort...

The man must know when to pull the dick out. This must occur prior to ejaculation. Only he knows what this exact point is and he must have it down to a science. There is no,

Oh baby, oh baby, I'm about to cum....oh...whoops...my bad.

If he does say this (well, the first part only), because you both like the explicit bedroom talk, you, as the woman, also should be prepared to either stop moving, maybe even push him away, or hop off the dick yourself. If you know this man and his bodily actions, you can pay attention to his strokes and mannerisms and prepare yourself. But you must be paying attention!!! This doesn't mean that you're not enjoying the sexual experience. You're actually enjoying it more because you and your partner are attuned to each other. This is the ultimate sexual pleasure!!!!

Do not deny women this method of birth control. Do not ridicule women. Discuss time and place issues...pros and cons...emergencies. The woman being abused and subjected to marital/partner sexual abuse/rape may be able to utilize this. How? Some men like the porno images of cum shots and skeeting all over their partner's body. This requires withdrawal. No sperm in the vagina equals no pregnancy and the woman may be able to passively facilitate this course of action.

Everybody is always talking about they know someone who has gotten pregnant using withdrawal. What can we really know about that couple's sexual practices? No more than we know about the sexual practices of heterosexual persons who contract HIV/AIDS. Research is inconclusive as to whether or not there is sperm in pre-cum, or whether there is functional sperm. Those of us who have been effectively using the withdrawal method haven't exactly been advertising it for various reasons which become obvious after reading the comments on posts like Bianca's and several others on RH Reality Check. And while "promoting" this to teens may not seem idealistic, we have to realize that we are dealing with sex...something that is, or can be, free, fun, and spontaneous...there is not always room for idealism. We are assuming that most teens are not capable of this, however that notion comes with the assumption that some teens are not adequately sexually experienced. This same notion can be applied to grown folks, too. Think of the newly married previous virgins...What sexual experience do they have? Or those that have had sex only a handful of times...????

On another note--We seriously need to get off this image of conniving women poking holes in condoms and/or stealing men's sperm. Unless a man is being restricted in some way, withdrawal is and always has been an option.

Some helpful stuff:

Maybe it helps to have partner that is experienced in masturbation--men and women. Men so that they know their body's responses including timing, women so that they know:

1. no dick-in-pussy is required for orgasm--the clitoris can stand alone
2. male and female orgasms are not automatically simultaneous
3. sex doesn't have to end with the male orgasm

Maybe it helps to teach women and men full detail about the menstrual cycle. And maybe if you are in a sexually intimate relationship, you should divulge information about your menses to your partner. Yes, it is personal, but so is sex.

Maybe it would help to practice pulling out while there is another method of birth control in effect (I've had a partner withdraw with the condom on. At the time, I thought it was odd, however, I realized it was a sure fire way to prevent pregnancy.).

Maybe you shouldn't have sex with a partner who has several children already, especially if they are really young, but more so if their ages are consecutive. Pay attention to patterns.

Look, I'm not trying to convince anyone to use the withdrawal method. You should do what you feel comfortable with. Just don't knock those of us who do it and do it well.