Showing newest 27 of 56 posts from May 2009. Show older posts
Showing newest 27 of 56 posts from May 2009. Show older posts

Sunday

Stalking Statistics

According to the Stalking Resource Center:

* 1,006,970 women and 370,990 men are stalked annually in the United States.

* 1 in 12 women and 1 in 45 men will be stalked in their lifetime.

* 77% of female and 64% of male victims know their stalker.

* 87% of stalkers are men.

* 59% of female victims and 30% of male victims are stalked by an intimate partner.

* 81% of women stalked by a current or former intimate partner are also physically assaulted by that partner.

* 31% of women stalked by a current or former intimate partner are also sexually assaulted by that partner.

* The average duration of stalking is 1.8 years.

* If stalking involves intimate partners, the average duration of stalking increases to 2.2 years.

* 61% of stalkers made unwanted phone calls; 33% sent or left unwanted letters or items; 29% vandalized property; and 9% killed or threatened to kill a family pet.

* 28% of female victims and 10% of male victims obtained a protective order. 69% of female victims and 81% of male victims had the protection order violated.

Stalking Resource Ctr., The Nat'l Ctr. for Victims of Crime, Stalking Fact Sheet, http://www.ncvc.org/src/Main.aspx (citing Patricia Tjaden & Nancy Thoennes, U.S. Dep't of Justice, NCJ 169592, Stalking in America: Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey (1998)
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The men's groups are constantly complaining about the availability of restraining orders and false allegations. The statistics prove how necessary restraining orders are. And they should last a minimum of 2 years, period, again, looking at the stats.
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Stalking often leads to violence

Theodore R. Duerst is accused of calling a Janesville woman 15 times, then threatening to go to her house and “put her head on the curb and smash it.”

“Ted had called me and said that he was going to come here and kill me,” the woman later told police. “I asked my sister to stay with me.

“Before she got here, he said that he was going to be here in three minutes, so I woke my kids up and got them in the car and left.” ...
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Are you a digital stalker? Take this quiz.

By Chip Mahaney
The E.W. Scripps Company

Even though states' laws differ on what constitutes illegal stalking activity, here are a short list of questions you can ask yourself to identify if your behavior is in danger of crossing the line between friendship and digital stalking:

1. Do you "check in" online on this person several times a day?

2. Have you created online aliases so you can disguise your own identity?

3. Have you e-mailed, texted or IM'd this person's family members, work colleagues or friends in order to gain information about them?

4. Are you an obsessive texter with this person - several times a day, or even several times an hour? Do you get anxious when he/she doesn't reply right away to every text?

5. Has this person ever told you to leave them alone, and yet you still continue to monitor what they do online?

6. Have you been contacted by a third party (a mutual friend or perhaps even the police) and asked to back off from making contact with this person?

7. Have you accessed this person's online accounts (Facebook or MySpace, for instance), without their knowledge?

8. Have you passed around compromising photos of this person, in an attempt to embarrass them?

These questions aren't the only forms of cyberstalking, cyberbullying or digital dating abuse. But if you answer "yes" to any of these questions, you may be showing signs of inappropriate, unwelcome or perhaps illegal behavior.

Click the related links on this page for more information and resources for help.
Copyright (c) 2009 Scripps Howard News Service and The E.W. Scripps Company

Saturday

Intimate Partner Homicide

In 2000, 1,247 women and 440 men were killed by an intimate partner. In recent years, an intimate partner killed approximately 33% of female murder victims and 4% of male murder victims.

Callie Marie Rennison, U.S. Dep't of Just., NCJ 197838, Bureau of Justice Statistics Crime Data Brief: Intimate Partner Violence, 1993-2001, at 1 (2003), available at http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/pub/pdf/ipv01.pdf

The World According to Bob:

--- Bob Allen [email protected]
Non violence never works with these evil misandrist hate mongers.
Only violence can fight their kind of violence. This evil dark lord in the black robe should not be allowed to walk the streets with decent human beings.

Don't just fall down and let them destroy you. Be a MAN and go down fighting for your rights and for the rights of MEN!

Friday

Belize Survivor, part 66

Alexis was dreaming. She was out on the ocean in a sailboat. A gale force wind came out of nowhere and the boat began to rock. In a split second she was shocked back to reality, awake and trying to focus on what was happening. Where am I? Oh yeah, I'm in the house on the river, in Belize with Max and Jordan. Why is the house shaking? The cows, she thought. That big Brahma stud bull must have gotten into the yard and he's rubbing on the stilts. But then she remembered the cement blocks between the posts. It would take an elephant to shake the whole house like that.

"Earthquake!" cried Alexis. "Max, it's an earthquake!" The whole house trembled as Max was shocked from sound-asleep to wide-awake.

"Earthquake?" he said. "Geez, it's an earthquake!"

"It can't be an earthquake,” Alexis shouted, illogically. “We've only been in Central America for two weeks!"

Two jars in the kitchen fell off the shelves and crashed to the floor. Alexis screamed, jumping out of bed and grabbing Jordan. The noise became deafening. Outside they could hear the land reverberating and groaning as shock waves rolled across the river valley. The wooden planks in the house creaked as though the whole structure were trying to tear free of the heavy beams that rooted it in place. With only one flashlight and no electricity, the experience was even more frightening. Sensing his parents' fear, little nine-month-old Jordan screamed and cried.

"What do we do?" Alexis shouted above the din. "Should we get out of the house?"

"I don't know," Max shouted back. "Both staircases are really steep, and they’re wet; it’s been raining. We could slip and break our necks, or the stairs could tear apart while we're on them. But if we stay in here and these main timbers give..."

The quaking built to a crescendo as the geologic plates shifted and settled. Panic stricken, Max and Alexis dodged back and forth from one side of the house to the other with the baby, not knowing whether it was safer inside or outside – whether to wait or abandon the house. After more than three minutes of mind-numbing fear, the quaking subsided

"Good morning, Belize. This is Radio Belize, the voice of the Caribbean, la voce de la amistad, the voice of friendship,” said the gregarious DJ. “And how are all of you this morning in this beautiful little jewel of ours?" Max turned up the volume of the radio in anticipation. "So all of you in the western Cayo District had quite a jolt last night, no true? Well, we in Belize City felt only a jiggle. But it has been reported that there has been some minor damage in San Ignacio Town and Benque Viejo del Carmen on the western border. The real news this morning is in neighboring Guatemala. The epicenter of the earthquake was located just east of the Guatemala City and measured at 7.6 on the Richter scale. The quake occurred at 3:44 a.m. and lasted just over three minutes. Reports of major damage are starting to come in from Guatemala City. First estimates are that perhaps twenty thousand people are dead, and it is suspected that thousands more still lie buried alive in the rubble. Many churches and other buildings of historical importance were destroyed or severely damaged. We'll have more news on this breaking story as it becomes available. In other news this morning..."

Alexis put Jordan into the hammock crosswise, the way Mrs. Whitmore had shown her, and put the cut-off piece of broomstick in place, wrapping both ends in the material to hold it in the open position. Jordan loved it, falling asleep much faster than a cradle or rocking chair. Then she picked up the whisk broom and began to sweep where the jars had fallen, just in case there were still minute broken shards. Max sat on the windowsill drinking his morning tea. He looked out over the pasture and noticed that, miraculously, only a few trees had fallen. Like the house, timber seemed to have tremendous resilience.

Just at that moment another hard tremor began. Alexis' eyes opened wide. In one glance she and Max exchanged a thousand words. The aftershock lasted perhaps ten seconds.

"Is it over?" asked Alexis cautiously. He didn’t reply. “Max?" she said hesitantly.

"Yeah?"

"If we'd gone south at Acayucan instead of east to Belize, we would have been in Guatemala City right now. Right at the heart of the quake."

You Can Bounce Around the Issue All You Want: When It Comes to Murder-Suicides, We Have to Look at Gender

Thank you, Women's E News, for a critical piece on all these father-murderers.

Excerpt:

...there are women too who suffer from mental disorders and who are in economic distress, and yet there are no reports of any of them wiping out their entire families.

We've already said this. Wake the fuck up, people! Where gender is a concern, it must be addressed, to equalized or obscured. Do you want to end this, or not?

Please also read 52 Days of Domestic Violence Flu.

Amnesty International Says...

Thank you, Marcella for bringing to attention the 2009 release of Amnesty International's report.

So what do they have to say? Here are some clips:

Regarding Discrimination in the U.S.:
The Committee expressed deep concern that racial, ethnic and national minorities, especially Latino and African American people, were “disproportionately concentrated in poor residential areas characterized by sub-standard housing conditions, limited employment opportunities, inadequate access to health care facilities, under-resourced schools and high exposure to crime and violence”
Yep, we knew this and been knew it.

Regarding maternal mortality in the U.S.:
Marginalized and poor women were at higher risk of death and complications from pregnancy and childbirth, with the maternal mortality rate among African American women three times higher than that of white women.
Same information applies to infant mortality, with the U.S. having one of the worst infant mortality rates of all developed nations.

Regarding violence against women in the U.S.:
Native American and Alaska Native women continued to experience disproportionately high levels of sexual violence and inadequate access to support and justice...uniform protocols on dealing with sexual violence – as well as for comprehensive data collection about the incidence of sexual violence, responses by the authorities and the outcomes of cases referred for prosecution – were lacking.
This is disgusting. Native Americans still getting abused. I wonder what Sarah Palin is doing about this?

Wait a minute, notice a pattern? Native American and African-Americans still suffering the effects of historical abuses...well, hell, current abuses.

Regarding migrants in the U.S.:
In July, Mexican national Juana Villegas, who was nine months’ pregnant, was arrested on minor charges and placed in immigration detention where she gave birth to a boy. She was shackled to a bed by her right ankle and wrist throughout her labour until shortly before delivery of the baby. She was shackled again about six hours after the birth.
Being an immigrant....woman...color...pregnant = triple whammy. The U.S. has no respect.

Regarding violence against women in the Americas:
Women’s groups continue to demand action over an increasing number of homicides in the region. Many of the women’s bodies bore marks of torture and in particular sexual violence. However, the response of many governments, particularly those in Central America, remains woefully inadequate and few of the killings have been properly investigated...
They forgot to include the United States. Do we need to do another report on homicides and violence against women here so that they know what is happening to us?

On Violence Against Women internationally:
Women and girls suffer disproportionately from violence - both in peace and in war, at the hands of the state, the community and the family. A life free from violence is a basic human right, yet violence is a daily reality for women in societies throughout the world.
So now, what is everybody going to do about it?


Please also read China's report that nobody said a damn thing about.

Children with Behavioral Problems from Fatherless Homes

Children exposed to maternal Intimate Partner Violence, without experiencing child maltreatment, were 40% more likely to have a total behavioral problem score within the borderline to clinical range than CBCL normative children.

Mary A. Kernic et al., Behavioral Problems Among Children Whose Mothers are Abused by an Intimate Partner, 27 Child Abuse & Neglect 1231 at 1239 (2003). See also Family Violence Prevention Fund, The Facts on Children and Domestic Violence, (2005), available at http://endabuse.org/resources/facts/Children.pdf (Aug 1, 2005).
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These children weren't even touched. They were only witnesses.

Now consider that these children witnessed this violence at that hands of their father against their mother.

Now consider, that this father is no longer a part of the "family." This would make a "fatherless" home.

The father is absent, and yet the effects of his presence still linger on...

How do we correct the children's behavioral problems?

Joint custody?

Shared parenting?

I don't think so.

Thursday

Keep Your Eye on Child Support in Tennessee

I know that our U.S. gubment doesn't need to be handling child support collections, among other things. Yet, I do not have an opinion on privatization of that industry, but what else can be done?

Any thoughts?

We'll see if they really collect support and distribute it to the "children," or if they want to experiment with social policy and engineering with father propaganda.

I've got my eye on you, Maximus!

(emphasis mine)

MAXIMUS Awarded $49 Million Child Support Operations Contract in Tennessee

-Largest Child Support Privatization Contract in the U.S.-

MAXIMUS (NYSE:MMS), a leading provider of government services, announced today that its Human Services North America Division recently won a new, five-year, $49 million contract to provide full-service child support operations with the Tennessee Department of Human Services for the 30th Judicial District in Shelby County.

The effort is the largest privatization contract for child support enforcement services in the nation. MAXIMUS will provide a broad range of child support enforcement services including location and establishment of paternity, support orders, medical support orders, interstate case processing services, and customer service.

Virginia T. Lodge, Commissioner of the Tennessee Department of Human Services commented,
“Our primary goal continues to be that children of Memphis and Shelby County and throughout our state receive the support to which they are entitled.
For over thirty years, MAXIMUS has operated full-service and specialized-service child support projects throughout North America, helping child support programs improve operations and maximize their resources. To ensure that all children receive support from both parents, child support enforcement agencies partner with MAXIMUS to locate non-custodial parents, establish paternity and support orders, and enforce support payments to families.
“This latest contract award further validates our long-standing presence in our core health human services market as the preferred provider of specialized child support services,”
stated MAXIMUS CEO Richard Montoni.
“MAXIMUS continues to build upon its portfolio of health and human services programs as we broaden our market-leading position. We look forward to working with the Tennessee Department of Human Services to administer this program successfully.”
MAXIMUS is a leading provider of government services and is devoted to providing health and human services program management and consulting services to its clients. The Company has more than 6,000 employees located in more than 220 offices in the United States, Canada, Australia, Israel and the United Kingdom. Additionally, MAXIMUS is included in the Russell 2000 Index and the S&P SmallCap 600 Index.

Up Next, Target the Hispanic Population

As if the government couldn't further meddle into people's business and ruin more lives...Now the Office of Child Support Enforcement (OCSE, CSE) would like to target Hispanic families with a special link on their homepage entitled, Hispanic Child Support Resource Center.

The following information is from their May 2009 newsletter:
Posted on the site are details about OCSE’s new Hispanic marketing toolkit—a DVD that includes brochures, posters, slide presentations, and TV and radio spots designed for agencies and organizations to easily download and customize with their contact information. Child support offices and community organizations may obtain the DVD through State and Tribal child support agencies.
To my sisters of color: If you're not already in the system, Don't even think about it!

See previous articles on child support
.

Fiona Ma Holidng Select Committee on Domestic Violence Today

UPDATED AGAIN!!!

ASSEMBLY COMMITTEE TO INVESTIGATE THE PLACEMENT OF CHILDREN WITH BATTERERS


Assemblywoman Ma Holds Select Committee on Domestic Violence hearing to look at whether the interest of the child is taken into account

WHEN: Thursday, May 28th at 1:30 pm

WHERE: California State Capitol, Sacramento – Room 126

WHO: Assemblywoman Fiona Ma, Chair

Members of the Select Committee on Domestic Violence

WHAT: Assemblywoman Fiona Ma (D-San Francisco), Chair of the Select Committee on Domestic Violence will convene an informational hearing into allegations that family courts are placing children with batterers. The Committee will hear from victims, experts, judges and advocates on a child’s best interest in the family court system. The hearing seeks to shed light on stories shared with Assemblywoman Fiona Ma by mothers who are victims of domestic violence and have been in the court system for years, fighting for their children’s best interest.

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Well, Ma, I can answer this for you,
No, the interest of the children is NOT taken into account.

But this big business of fatherhood runs waaaaay deeper than you can think. Please don't investigate it on a superficial level. We don't need more laws--we need judges who follow the ones that we have.

And we need a revamp of the Department of Health and Human Services because they are funding social engineering experiments based on correlation at best, but more like propaganda. They don't give a rat ass about children's rights or what children really need. If they did, they'd ask the early childhood education folks and stop having their own in house research done--research whose outcomes are EXACTLY what they want them to be, because they specify it in the grant.

That's a start.

And while you're at it, check this one out, another "nice guy" (emphasis mine):

Father kills toddler in murder-suicide

Posted: 12:47 AM May 27, 2009
Last Updated: 9:38 PM May 27, 2009
Reporter: Tamara Evans
Email Address: [email protected]
8 comments
Man Shoots Young Son, Then Himself
Custody Battle Leads to Murder-Suicide

It's a crime so horrible, it's difficult to hear. A Bardstown father shoots his young son and then turns the gun on himself.

Looking at the big smile and bright eyes of 21-month-old Cole Frazier, it's obvious he was a happy toddler.

"He was a darling little boy," says Sister Mary Driscoll, a former teacher and current neighbor to Tim Frazier.

Sister Mary Driscoll says she thought Timothy Frazier was a good dad, who was once a bright student, so she was shocked to hear he shot his son inside their Tree Top Drive home in Bardstown on Tuesday.

"I just thought he was a loving young man and it was a terrible shock to hear," says Sister Mary Driscoll.

Police say on Tuesday Tim Frazier, in the middle of a custody battle, shot his son and then himself.

"Just because he couldn't get along with my daughter, he does something like this and just destroys peoples lives. He shot an innocent baby," says Kevin Clark, the grandfather of Cole Frazier.

The family of Cole Frazier says they hadn't been able to see the toddler or speak to him in two weeks because of an EPO being filed by his father against Cole's mother, Candice Dempsey, one they say shouldn't have been approved by the court.

"Decided to write a bunch of lies. Untrue, not documented and the judge signs off on it," says Kevin Clark.

They say the court system made a bad decision but they were expected to get Cole back Wednesday.

"For two weeks we haven't seen him and now the next time we see him he'll be in a casket. This is our only grandchild and now we won't have him anymore," says Kevin Clark.

It's a tragic shooting that this family says should never happen to anyone.

"I just hope people pray for us because it's just terrible. I pray to God nobody has to go through this again. He loved that little boy so much and now we'll have to bury him. It's just awful," says Kevin Clark.

According to the Nelson County Jail, Tim Frazier had been arrested nine times since 1998, most of those for driving under the influence, alcohol intoxication, and criminal mischief.

The family of Cole Frazier says funeral arrangements haven't been finalized just yet but they are being handled by Ritchie and Peach Funeral Home in Lawrenceburg.


For Immediate Release by the Center for Judicial Excellence: May 28, 2009

ASSEMBLY COMMITTEE TO INVESTIGATE THE PLACEMENT OF CHILDREN WITH BATTERERS

WHEN: Thursday, May 28th 1:30 - 3 pm
WHERE: California State Capitol, Sacramento – Room 126

WHO: The California Assembly Select Committee on Domestic Violence

An epidemic is sweeping the United States, and California families are suffering as a result. System failure in America's family courts is resulting in the placement of tens of thousands of children into the legal and physical custody of parents who they allege are physically and/or sexually abusing them, while parents who are trying to protect their children from abuse are routinely being vilified, denied contact and/or bankrupted by the family court system.

Joyce Murphy from La Jolla lost custody of her daughter in family court after warning the court about her ex-husband's obsession with child porn. Last week, he was sentenced to six years in jail after a criminal complaint charged Parson with hurting three girls, two of them younger than 14 years old. The charges include oral sex with a child, molestation, possessing child porn and using a child to make porn. Now that he is behind bars, she finally has her daughter back.

Sofia Campos-Riedel's 11-year-old son was reportedly threatened by Placer County family court professionals for reporting ongoing physical, sexual and emotional abuse by his father. The boy was told that if he kept reporting abuse to the court and repeatedly running away from his abusive Dad's home, "we'll put you in foster care and you'll never see your Mom again." The boy was repeatedly threatened that bad things would happen to his Mom if he spoke about his abuse, so he stopped reporting it for a long time out of fear of losing his mother.

A 14-year-old teenager from southern California was forced by family court professionals to go on unsupervised visits with her father, a man she complains is violent and drug-addicted, and a man who she has complained about to more than ten different professionals. She reported his violent behavior to the custody evaluator, who responded by increasing the father's time with his children instead of taking her complaints seriously.

All of these court survivors, along with a representative of the California Judicial Council and a host of professionals in the field, plus child advocates and other survivors, will be on hand to testify and share their insights about this situation.

To arrange interviews with any of the above survivors, please contact me on my cell phone at 415-250-1180.

Thanks very much- Kathleen

Kathleen Russell, Consultant
Center for Judicial Excellence
1206 Third Street
San Rafael, CA 94901
415.250.1180 cell

Wednesday

I Don't Think I've Ever Heard a Judge Tell the Truth. Thank you, Judge Sotomayor!

And so the attacks have begun against Judge Sotomayor...



..But those of you in the majority that are opposing this nomination must remember, we as people of color, and women, have gone through bullshit like this most of our lives. So your pettiness is yet another minor roadblock. We grow stronger.

The statements made by Sotomayor in this video compilation are the most honest statements I've ever heard by any official--especially a judge. She is 100% correct. We are who we are and we do what we do as a product of our experiences. If there were such a thing as impartiality, the judges these days have never heard of it. They don't even rule according to the law. They participate in conferences, trainings, and seminars that reflect utter bias and impropriety, violating judicial ethics but being judged by their peers who are members of the same colluding body.

Let us finally have some representation that does not mirror the White man's views. I thought we were waiting for a change. Here she is.

The Office of Child Support Enforcement Wants to Promote Both Agreed Upon Child Support Orders and Custody and Visitation Orders

I once thought the Office of Child Support Enforcement (OCSE, CSE) was about collecting money for children that weren't being supported by their "absent" parents. Once I entered the system, I personally found out that that wasn't the whole truth.

Upon digging a little further, I have realized that CSE has many other ulterior motives--public knowledge, but unbeknownst to ordinary, tax-paying people.

Here's one of their grant programs (emphasis mine):


Funding Opportunity Title:

Section 1115 Demonstration Grants--Projects that Provide Family-Centered Services for Unwed Parents in the IV-D Caseload

OCSE invites eligible applicants to propose projects that promote both agreed upon child support orders and custody and visitation orders for unwed parents. Grantees are encouraged to work with the existing access and visitation programs in their jurisdictions.

...OCSE also envisions projects that provide parents with the opportunity to agree upon an amount of child support, (while addressing their State's child support guidelines), that the noncustodial parent can reasonably be expected to pay and the custodial parent can then reasonably rely upon receiving.

...On or about the same time the child support order is being negotiated, parents would also meet with parenting plan coordinators, custody and visitation experts, or other professionals, as identified by the grantee, to reach an agreement on parenting roles, visitation and custody.

...Projects are required to address both the financial and emotional responsibilities and will need to track child support outcomes, cost/benefit and visitation outcomes. The purpose of the grant is to demonstrate the impact of providing child support and custody and visitation orders on or about the same time on collections, enforcement actions and adversarial proceedings.
___

And so, perhaps we all thought that CSE was supposed to enforce (and collect) child support...But I bet you didn't know that they simultaneously waddle in child custody/visitation issues and are apparently profiteering from access/visitation centers and the host of parasites that flood the family court system: Guardians ad Litem (GAL) and others in the field of psychology (aka Whores of the Court).

"Agreed upon" child support means that the custodial parent is willing to receive less than what the guidelines say that the child is entitled to. And of course if you "agree" upon this based on a simultaneous visitation order, the noncustodial parent can basically bargain his way out of paying you a dime, all in the name of "access."

Ever walk into your local Child Support Enforcement office, broke, and homeless, but intent on (or forced to because of TANF, foodstamps, or Medicaid) collecting money from your babydaddy that you haven't seen in years...and all of a sudden, he wants custody of the child.........???????????

Randi James' Presumptive Joint Custody Parenting Plan Questionnaire part 1

This presumptive joint custody-equal parenting-kids need both parents-traditional, natural families only-shared-parenting plan questionnaire is directed toward parents who have children under the age of 10...because at age 10, most kids should be asked who the fuck they want to live with.


1. Do father and mother work outside of the home?

if yes go to (a)

if no, whichever parent stays home shall be awarded majority custody (and I do mean stays home and thus is mostly responsible for the kids and managing their day-to-day activities)

a. Do father and mother both work full time?

if yes go to (b)

if no, whichever parent works part-time shall be awarded majority custody (and I do mean that the other half of the time is spent with the kids or managing/planning their day-to-day activities)

b. Whichever parent leaves the latest to get to work and/or gets home the earliest and then resumes most of the responsibility for the kids and managing their day-to-day affairs will have majority custody.

Rationale: If you are accustomed to having the most direct responsibility for your kids, and performing in that role, then your kids are used to that, and it is assumed that you did it the best, else you wouldn't have been doing it and the other parent would have gladly objected, and then taken over you duties.

The point of "the best interest of the children" is to resume, as best as we can, the normal activities that took place in the intact household (intact, meaning, when everything was running smoothly, before the lying, cheating, late nights at the office, "friends", "coworkers," and "long lost family" calling at strange hours...before you thought of the other parent as a bitch or sorry-ass-muthafucker). Anything less doesn't have a goddamn thing to do with the kids.

FAQ

1. Well, Randi, what of neither of the parents work?

Well, holy shit! No wonder they want to get separated! Same overall thing applies--whichever parent assumed the greater responsibility for the children will get majority custody.

2. But, Randi, this isn't fair. You are rewarding the parent for working less?

No, I didn't do shit. You rewarded the kids (and yourselves) by setting up your schedules in this manner.

3. Okay, so what if both parents leave and return at the same times?

Okay, so you're really being an asshole. Figure it out and I'll tell you if you have the right answer.




You may use this parenting plan with permission of the author, Randi James. You may not modify this parenting plan without consent of the author.


*Disclaimer: Not for domestically violent homes.

Tuesday

Belize Survivor, part 65

It was obvious that Matthew was a skilled dory man who stayed in tune with the shifting channels and obstacles left by the floods. At times he hugged the far left side, staying within an arm's reach of the bank, forcing his passengers to duck the brambles of thorny bamboo. Then, abruptly, he crossed diagonally to the extreme right, squeezing through a narrow channel between sharp rocks. Other times he guided the boat right up the middle of broad open pools, skirting the boulders in the swirling eddies. Farther upstream, Alexis saw a large log above their heads in the fork of a tall tree. Puzzled, she turned and shouted back to the driver, "Matthew, how did that big log get up there?"

"Well, Miss Alexis, de flood lef it."

"Up there? That's fifty feet above the river!"

"Yes, ma'am, I seen dis river go up bout sixty five feet inna de hurricane. Why yu tink de houses built so high up away from de water?"
Alexis tried to imagine herself fifty feet under the floodwaters. What on earth did this river look like when it filled the valley? It was an awesome thought. "Mrs. Whitmore? That pointed hill up there on the ridge, is that natural?" she asked.

"You have a good eye. It's a Mayan ruin,” the old woman replied. “This area has hundreds of them. Some are just house-mounds like that one. But if you know what to look for, you'll notice larger ones from time to time. At first you might think it's just another hill. Then suddenly you'll realize it's the covered remains of an ancient temple. Of course, all the mounds near the rivers were robbed by diggers long ago. But no one knows how many temples are still hidden deep in the high bush."

"What kinds of things did the Mayans leave behind? Gold and silver?"

"Maya is the name of the people; Mayan is the language and culture," Mrs. Whitmore corrected mildly. "But to answer your question, no, the Maya didn't have metals, or the wheel, or beasts of burden. But they did have beautiful works of jade and pottery. Sometimes you find small potshards just lying around the house mounds."

"How do you know they’re real, and not fake?"

"Where would anyone get imitation artifacts around here?" she laughed. "This is the jungle."

"Is there a museum anywhere in the country? Stuff like that has always fascinated me. I'd sure like to see some artifacts one day."

"Not in Belize, but there's a wonderful museum over the border in Guatemala at the ruins of Tikal. All we have here is a vault in the Archaeology Department in Belmopan. But if you go there on a Monday, they let people go in and look, accompanied by one of the supervisors, of course." Mrs. Whitmore nodded, then turned and pointed to the left.

"There's the house," she said. "That's the property ahead."

"Yu wan dat I pull in here first, Mrs. Whitmore?"

"Yes, please, Matthew. We'll stop here and show them Michael's first, then we'll go on to my place. Look, the Brahma stud's here. Victor must have finally dropped him off so he could breed the cows."

As Max and Alexis stepped onto the narrow sandy bank, they shared one common emotion from the first moment they saw the place – they not only wanted to rent it, they wanted to buy it. The plain unpainted rectangular wooden house stood about seventy-five feet up the hill from the river, and like many of the more substantial wooden and tin-roofed dwellings in Cayo, it was solidly rooted into the bedrock by means of enormous twelve-by-twelve hardwood posts. Upon closer inspection they found that, except for a front veranda and railing, the rear of the house was identical to the front with a central staircase and door, the western one facing the river, and the eastern one butting up against the adjacent hillside behind. The house had eight windows with heavy wooden shutters, two on each side. Surprisingly, there were no screens. Mrs. Whitmore assured them that, unlike the coastal areas, all the land near the river had good drainage and therefore very few bugs. The house was unfurnished except for a small butane stove and fridge in the kitchen; the living room was empty as was the only bedroom. And yet, crude and unsophisticated, the entire house was built of solid mahogany. However, the lower level beneath the house had one major difference; it had been reinforced with cement blocks between the stilts, creating solid walls, and therefore, an enclosed workshop and storage area.

"…and this is a spice tree. You know it as ‘allspice’," said Mrs. Whitmore as she continued her tour of the grounds. "The local people use the seeds in a delightful dish called escabeche. It's a chicken soup made with white onions, a little vinegar, and allspice seed. Sometimes they collect the spice seeds for export, although it's not a big market. And here is an achiote bush." She popped open the Brazil nut-shaped casing with her forefinger and thumb to expose the red-orange berries inside. "The people crush these and mix them with salt, pepper, and other spices to make recado, a flavoring and coloring agent for stewed meat. The Mayas also used it for dye and painting their faces. This is a tamarind tree. Its fruit is sweet and tart at the same time and it makes a cooling drink. My girls love it. See these pods? They're still green, but they'll be coming into season soon, during the dry."

"When exactly is the dry season?" said Alexis.

"Well, it's almost the end of January now. The heaviest rains are over, although we'll still get some in February. The dry will begin in early March, but it won't really get hot until April. May is the hottest month. June and July are wet and humid, but the rains are more like gentle summer showers than real downpours. In August, there is a little mini-dry that the locals call the mauga, or meager season. The real rains start in September, going right through until February."

"Something tells me we're not in Kansas anymore, Toto," said Alexis, under her breath.

"So, you haven't told me what you think of the house and property?" Mrs. Whitmore said.

"Well," Max said. "What would you charge for monthly rent?"

"How about seventy BH?"

"BH?"

"Belize dollars used to be called ‘BH’ for British Honduras. We've had our new name for eight years now, but I still can't break the habit. Seventy Belize dollars per month. That's thirty-five U.S."

"We'll take it," said Max.

The Purpose of Child Support Enforcement

I'm providing this information, which is public, just in case anyone wasn't clear on the intent of child support run by the gub'ment (emphasis mine):

Child Support Enforcement

The Child Support Enforcement Program provides four major services to our customers:

locating non-custodial parents,
establishing paternity,
establishing support orders and
collecting support payments.

The program also provides services to non-custodial parents. States offer access and visitation services through federal grants.

_____

When did they start offering services to non-custodial parents? I thought they were just collecting child support [from them].

Access/visitation. Proceed with caution.

Well, Judges, What Did You Expect?

Some judges may believe that they are above the law, but with today's technology available to the average Joe, judges are not above safety.

Judges are just people, regardless of how big their egos are, or how deep their pockets are [from fraudulent monies].

What I really want to know, is are these death threats coming from women, or men? (You know, since women are so violent and all LOL)

And additionally, are the threats coming from the innocent, or the "falsely accused"?

Threats to Judges, Prosecutors Soaring

Threats against the nation's judges and prosecutors have sharply increased, prompting hundreds to get 24-hour protection from armed U.S. marshals. Many federal judges are altering their routes to work, installing security systems at home, shielding their addresses by paying bills at the courthouse or refraining from registering to vote. Some even pack weapons on the bench...

Look at the comments on the article, it looks like no one gives a shit. This one is quite intelligent:
While I don't condone making threats, I still can't help wonder if one of the main reasons why the number of threats seems to be escalating is

because abuse of power by judges and prosecutors is also escalating.


And there you have it.

I hope their beefed up security isn't coming from my tax dollars.

Monday

Intimate Partner Violence and Guns

Of females killed with a firearm, almost two-thirds were killed by their intimate partners. The number of females shot and killed by their husband or intimate partner was more than three times higher than the total number murdered by male strangers using all weapons combined in single victim/single offender incidents in 2002.

The Violence Pol'y Ctr., When Men Murder Women: An Analysis of 2002 Homicide Data: Females Murdered by Males in Single Victim/Single Offender Incidents, at 7 (2004), available at http://www.vpc.org/studies/wmmw2004.pdf
_________

I suppose if and when police do a risk assessment upon a domestic violence call, they should check for guns...because the future appears to be grim.

Ladies be weary of who you're dating and what may be in their possession.

Sunday

Most Perpetrators of Sexual Violence are Men

According to the National Violence Against Women Survey:

* Women are more likely to be victims of sexual violence than men: 78% of the victims of rape and sexual assault are women and 22% are men.

* Most perpetrators of sexual violence are men. Among acts of sexual violence committed against women since the age of 18, 100% of rapes, 92% of physical assaults, and 97% of stalking acts were perpetrated by men. Sexual violence against men is also mainly male violence: 70% of rapes, 86% of physical assaults, and 65% of stalking acts were perpetrated by men.

* In 8 out of 10 rape cases, the victim knows the perpetrator. Of people who report sexual violence, 64% of women and 16% of men were raped, physically assaulted, or stalked by an intimate partner. This includes a current or former spouse, cohabitating partner, boyfriend/girlfriend, or date.

Patricia Tjaden & Nancy Thoennes, U.S. Dep't of Just., NCJ 183781, Full Report of the Prevalence, Incidence, and Consequences of Intimate Partner Violence Against Women: Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey, at iv (2000), available at http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/nij/pubs-sum/183781.htm
____

We already know this and yet there are some who try to push this into the background.

Saturday

Women Victims of Rape at the Hands of Their Husbands or Boyfriends

...34% of women were victims of sexual coercion by a husband or intimate partner in their lifetime.

Kathleen C. Basile, Prevalence of Wife Rape and Other Intimate Partner Sexual Coercion in a Nationally Representative Sample of Women, 17 Violence and Victims 511 (2002).

Yes, their own husbands, boyfriends, and babydaddies. Yes, grown women can be sexually abused, although we only call it sexual abuse when it has to do with children and the differently abled.

Rape prevention aimed at women cannot stop this. Men Can Stop Rape. And until this is mandatory, I will continue to believe that men don't give a shit.

Friday

Belize Survivor, part 64

Previous to the building of the Western Highway, the Belize River had been the only practical means of transportation between the mountains and the coast. Flat-bottomed steamers known as Cayo Boats traveled the waterway in the dry season, carrying supplies upstream for the chicléros and loggers. During their three week journey to the western uplands, the boatmen stopped at villages with curious names like Baking Pot, Double-head Cabbage, Young Gal, Teakettle, Burrell Boom, More Tomorrow, Guinea Grass, and Never Delay. In the course of this passage, the Cayo boats had to contend with one hundred thirty-three "runs" or rapids where they often ground out on the shallows. By using long ropes attached to trees on the banks, the crew painstakingly winched the unwieldy crafts yard by yard against the current until they reached deep water again. Once they had arrived in Cayo and loaded the cargo of chícle, the return trip east was a virtually effortless float downstream to Belize City, taking a mere two days.

As they stood waiting for the dugout to come back, Mrs. Whitmore turned suddenly. "Alexis, I'd like to make you and your husband an offer. I told you that I have another son, an older one named Michael; he recently left for the States and will be gone for quite some time. His property is adjacent to mine. There’s a house on the hill above the river. Would you and your husband like to consider renting it?"

Alexis' eyes lit up with delight. "Oh, Mrs. Whitmore! On the river? That's just too good to be true. Wait 'til I tell Max. When could we see it?"

"We'd have to ask Matthew if he has room in the dory for all of us. If he does, I suppose we could go right now, by river, to take a look. With the amount of rain we've had lately, you couldn't possibly get there any other way. The road is too bad right now."

"I can't tell you how much we appreciate an opportunity like this. Do you want to hold Jordan while I run up and get Max? I'm sure he could be ready to go in a couple of minutes."

Max was just as astonished when he heard of the offer.

“That's great. Heck, yeah. Let me lock up here and grab a few things. What did Mrs. Whitmore say the boatman's name is?"

"Matthew Richardson. Why?"

"It just seems funny that someone as black as he is would have a name that's so English. I would have imagined something more African."

"Mrs. Whitmore says the British have been a long-time influence. They have interbred with the local population for two hundred years or more, and left their names behind. I understand that Jones, Smith, Waight, and Brown are all common names here. Others have Scottish names like McDonald and McKay, and a lot of them are as dark as Matthew."

Upon arrival of the dory, Mr. Richardson agreed to take the newcomers. He would wait while they looked at the property and then bring them back to town.

"Whoa!" exclaimed Alexis as she stepped into the tipsy craft. "I guess there's a right way and a wrong way to do this."

Matthew stood to help her. "Yu mus step inna de middle of de bottom, so de dory don rock."

"Sit low and try not to move your upper body," added Mrs. Whitmore. "Most of all you have to relax."

First Matthew arranged the people and cargo for ideal balance and weight distribution. Then he started the outboard motor, shoved off from the bank with a short stick, and pointed the bow upstream. Once past the bridge, Alexis could hear Max talking to Matthew. Since she sat in the bow with Mrs. Whitmore in the middle, she could only catch snatches of the conversation at the stern.

"…and these big trees on the banks…are they the ones that are used to make the dories?" Max asked.

"No, replied Matthew. “Dat is de one de Maya call ‘ceiba.’ It is very sof. We call it cottonwood. De correc tree for dories don grow close to de river. Wat yu wan is de mahog’ny or de cedar trees wat grows inna de high bush. De wood is very hard. Dem trees have to be at least bout six feet right tru de center for have de big heartwood. Inna de old days they used mules fu drag de tree. Now-days yu get a friend wit a tractor to drag it close by de river. Den yu cut away all de sof sapwood from round de outside wit de chainsaw if yu got one, so only de hard heartwood lef. Den yu dig out de center wit de tool called de ‘adze’. You know de tool?"

"Yes," said Max. "I know what an adze looks like."

"It take one long time fu mek it, an yu mus be careful when yu dig it out. It have to be jus right on the bottom curve an de point correc, or de dory drag sideways inna de water."

With acute awareness, Alexis looked around her and observed a fantasy world of tropical grandeur. Around the first big bend, she saw a concave wall of rock. Two boulders, each as big as a three-story house, rose proudly above the surface. The upper portions of the rocks had been smoothed by a thousand floods, and the algae-covered bases were shrouded in deep water. Beyond the rocks on either side of the river, peculiar-looking trees rose out of the underbrush. Enormous gray-green iguanas, up to four feet in length with long black and orange tails, sunned themselves lazily on branches overhanging the river, plopping into the water as the dory came too close. From time to time, stretches of bush bamboo gave way to open pasture. Thatched houses shaded by tall cohune palms came into view. Brahma cattle grazed on the slopes, standing contentedly as white egrets feasted on the fat purple ticks embedded in the humpbacked beasts. The river was a haven for all types of birds. Crested blue kingfishers seemed to skim no more than an inch above the water's surface. There were flycatchers, warblers, tanagers, doves, orioles, and curious-looking woodrails with their gaudy orange feet.

Responsible Fatherhood: All Eligible Persons

Fiscal YearOPDIVGrantee NameAward TitleSum of Actions
2008 ACF CIRCLE OF PARENTS PROMOTING RESPONSIBLE FATHERHOOD COMMUNITY ACCESS PROGRAM $ 1,000,000
2007 ACF CIRCLE OF PARENTS PROMOTING RESPONSIBLE FATHERHOOD COMMUNITY ACCESS PROGRAM $ 900,000
2006 ACF CIRCLE OF PARENTS PROMOTING RESPONSIBLE FATHERHOOD COMMUNITY ACCESS PROGRAM $ 900,000


From Circle of Parents:
Funding for this project was made possible through a 5-year Responsible Fatherhood Community Access Program grant received by the Circle of Parents national office in 2006. This grant is funded through the United States Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Office of Families Assistance – Grant No. 90FR0098, CFDA #93.086. Services are available to all eligible persons, regardless of race, gender, age, disability or religion.
"Services are available to all eligible persons..." Remember that, because it is so interesting to see how our government thinks men can be fathers independently of the mothers who bear the children.

Sanford Braver Says No to Presumptive Joint Custody

CHAPTER 4

WHAT THE EXPERTS SAY: SCHOLARLY RESEARCH ON POST-DIVORCE PARENTING AND CHILD WELL-BEING

Report to the Washington State Gender and Justice Commission and Domestic Relations Commission

Diane N. Lye, Ph.D.
June 1999


“… there is simply not enough evidence available at present to substantiate routinely imposing joint residential custody… the limited analyses other researchers have performed don’t strongly recommend it be imposed either.” 
(Page 223 in Divorced Dads)

If each parent is empowered by joint legal custody and is allowed involvement in the full variety of child rearing activities, few parents or children will feel deprived. A parent overly concerned that he see his child exactly the same amount of time as his ex-spouse becomes more of an accountant than a parent. Furthermore, this strict accounting of time can also set the stage for many future arguments, when arrangements must be changed because of extenuating circumstances, which routinely come up. Finally, such arrangements are often transitional. As children get older, they frequently don’t want to switch households so often. In short, insisting upon strict equality of time spent with the child may be in the weaker parent’s interest but it is rarely in the child’s.” 
(Page 224 in Divorced Dads)
____

Sanford Braver...often quoted by father's supremacy groups because of his "research" on joint custody...although it must be mentioned that he made his determinations based on households which were intact with the mother and father...which makes little sense, unless you have an agenda.

Anyway, this was straight from out of his Bible, Divorced Dads, and cited in the paper noted above.

Read again:
As children get older, they frequently don’t want to switch households so often.
Or how about at all? Who the hell wants to alternate between living arrangements? Seems schizophrenic.

As children get older, they typically could give a rats ass about spending time with any parents or persons of authority.

Read again:
insisting upon strict equality of time spent with the child may be in the weaker parent’s interest but it is rarely in the child’s
Weaker parent=father. Don't hate me, I didn't coin the term. I would have said the "less-involved" or "not-as-nurturing" parent.

Anyway, this doesn't have a damn thing to do with anyone's interest other than the father. Period.

Thursday

Child Protective Services (CPS), Not Exactly

After reading Jennifer Collins' latest post, Child Protection Failed to Protect Holly Collins' Children, I have had yet another epiphany...an epiphany that I know many others have had before me:

CPS is best for taking children from Black and poor families, upon the outside suspicion that there is child abuse. Kinda like the Save the Children organization that helps little starving Black children in Africa. Instead of working with families, providing resources and support, CPS is notorious for stealing children from Black mothers....interesting because the children go to group homes, foster care, etc...and then money is paid to CPS and to the new "family"...MONEY...that same money that could have aided the child in his/her original family. Not to mention that after the theft, the children are put on psychotropic meds (mo' money), counseling (mo' money) and its all downhill from there (mo' money).

But when people...mothers....mainly White mothers...report intrafamilial abuse...child sex abuse/incest...CPS suddenly takes little interest (reminiscent of NCMEC)....they can't substantiate a damn thing...their hands are tied...
Dear Ms. Collins,

This is to inform you that I have completed my Child Protection Assessment and no finding of maltreatment is being made. That does not mean that maltreatment did not occur. It does mean that I have not found maltreatment.
They tell the mothers to protect their children...it is a mother's duty...but when that mother seeks their assistance, CPS turns its back.

I suppose they are as much "for the children" as child support is...both are government agencies...

This doesn't apply in all situations...but the trend is overwhelming.

Wednesday

Belize Survivor, part 63

Three days had passed since Max, Alexis, and Jordan had crossed the Hawkesworth Bridge to Cayo and parked their truck on the western savannah of the Macal River. The sight of the impressive river had been the first time they’d been able to breathe a sigh of relief, that maybe Belize might have the features they were looking for after all. It was Saturday, and Alexis was at the water’s edge washing Jordan's diapers when she saw a dugout canoe coming from upriver. A skinny old white woman carrying an empty plastic handbag stepped lithely onto the bank. At the stern, a slim black man wearing a cowboy hat manned the small outboard motor. It was impossible to tell his age. His eyes seemed old, yet his skin was smooth and unlined, his body lean, but muscled.

The woman saw Alexis watching her and smiled.

"Hello," she said, speaking with a slight European accent. "Did you just arrive here in Cayo?"

"A few days ago. I can't believe how beautiful this river is."

"I never tire of it and I've lived here for fourteen years now. My name is Mrs. Whitmore."

"Nice to meet you. I'm Alexis Lord." She stood up and extended her hand.

"Are you here with your family? Your parents?"

"Oh no, my husband and baby. We own that truck over there."

"So you're visiting Belize. Will you be staying long?"

"Permanently, if we can find what we're looking for. We want to find a piece of land to start our own farm."

"Ah, homesteaders. A lot of young Americans have been coming to Belize with that on their minds. I've seen many new faces in recent months." Mrs. Whitmore lived several miles upstream. Her husband had died the year before, and she lived with one of her sons and her two young teenage daughters. “I'll be glad to tell you about the area, but you'll have to come with me to market. I want to get my fresh eggs from the Mennonite before they're all gone."

"I'd love to go. Let me get my baby first. My husband's looking after him."

After introducing Max to Mrs. Whitmore, Alexis put Jordan into his backpack, slipped on the shoulder straps, and spent the rest of the morning making the rounds. She couldn't believe the variety of skin colors. Many people were shiny coal black; others varied from dark brown to café con leche. She saw three Chinese, some Lebanese, a few white Americans, some Mennonites in their horse-drawn wagons, and six or eight British soldiers in uniform. As they walked, Mrs. Whitmore kept up a steady commentary about what to buy and where to buy it. Together they purchased fruits, vegetables, and eggs, all at different stalls. She advised Alexis which store had the freshest flour, sugar, and rice. The old lady was eccentric, but sweet and informative. She explained that the local dialect was called Creole and that everybody learned to speak it eventually. She talked and talked, about her farm, her children, her late husband, and the excessive rain in recent months. Then Mrs. Whitmore waved to a young boy selling some kind of leaf-wrapped food from a plastic bucket.

"Try one of these," she said, as she peeled back the corn husk for Alexis. "They're called tamalitos. You take fresh green corn, cut the kernels off the cob, and grind them in a molino. Then mix in a little oil, some salt and chopped hot peppers, and wrap the mixture in the same husks the corn came from. Then you steam them for about twenty minutes."

"Wow. They’re delicious," Alexis said, taking a bite. "What do you mean ‘green corn’?”

"In Belize we don't have sweet corn. It's too soft and rots in the high humidity. Green corn is actually field corn, or what you'd call ‘dent corn.’ But when it's young, it's perfectly tender and juicy. Tamalitos are my favorite of all the local street foods, but it's very seasonal. Corn matures quickly as the dry season begins."

Later, they stood on the edge of the savannah waiting for the dugout that would take the old woman back up the river. Still enjoying the spotlight, Mrs. Whitmore told Alexis more about the river. Above the bridge, although broad and majestic, the river was navigable only by dugout. It had two distinct personalities – dry season and rainy season. In the dry season, although it retained its width, the level of the river dropped so low that the mahogany dugouts, called dories, often scraped their bottoms on the shallow rapids and were never steered straight up the middle. Instead, specific channels had to be followed. The river changed constantly, not only year by year, but even within the course of the season. Only a dory man who stayed familiar with every alteration was safe from its hidden dangers. During the floods of the rainy season, the river became a brown deluge. Mrs. Whitmore told Alexis that when the river flooded, it could rise at a rate of four feet an hour, sometimes spreading to more than a quarter mile wide. Sometimes flash floods would occur, and a wall of water would sweep the banks, engulfing anything or anyone in its path. Mrs. Whitmore told her that once she had seen a squealing pig and two chickens marooned on a pile of sodden debris, swirling helplessly in the torrent. Under the surface of the river lay the evidence of countless floods, submerged boulders of immense proportion, and the remains of giant trees. Once the Macal River flowed north past San Ignacio and the Hawkesworth bridge, it flattened into treacherous shallows just before its merger with the Mopan River from the west. Together, the two branches formed the River Belize, which wound its way slowly to the sea.

I Would Like to Extend a Personal Thanks to the Department of Health and Human Services!

I'm a noncustodial parent and I can't visit or talk with my child even though I have a visitation order. What can I do?

You can see what groups in your state have access to these grants that are being used for fraudulent purposes such as custody switching. Well, actually, it can't be fraudulent if DHHS is allowing it (emphasis mine):
A parent's visitation rights should be protected and children should have access to both their parents. In nearly all cases, children who have the love and support of both their parents have better lives. The Federal government provides grants to each state for programs to improve children's access to their noncustodial parent. These programs include mediation, education, visitation enforcement, development of guidelines for visitation, and alternative custody arrangements. It is up to the state to decide which services are provided and in which parts of the state.
And just in case you thought the Department of Child Support Enforcement (CSE) wasn't involved in this scandal:
Your state child support enforcement agency should be able to tell you about the projects in your state...If your child's whereabouts have been hidden from you in violation of a custody or visitation order or you have other problems, the CSE agency can help you.
Many mothers are coming forward reporting that it wasn't until the moment that the Department of Child Support Enforcement began handling their case, that the "absent-father" sought custody of their child...children that they had seen once, or never...relationships that never existed, one night stands...even rapes.

Things weren't like this a long time ago. Men didn't want custody (they still don't, really), in fact, they would go through great lengths to disappear in order to avoid paying child support. Perhaps the child support collections got too good at hunting fathers, so the best thing they could come up with was helping the fathers escape paying child support by seeking joint and sole custody. This is what "Responsible Fatherhood" is all about and you can thank former President Clinton.


Myth -- Child support enforcement programs were enacted to benefit women and children.

Fact: Child support enforcement programs were enacted to benefit state welfare coffers and recoup the burden of public welfare payments.

See, e.g. discussion at CLASP -- What If All the Money Came Home http://www.clasp.org/pubs/childenforce/pilr2300.htm

Myth -- "Child support belongs to the child."

Fact: This is what is known as a "legal fiction." It was created as an artificial premise in the law for the purpose of enabling the state to obtain subrogation rights to keep the child support money it collects from some men as restitution for welfare dollars spent on women and children. The legal fiction disables mothers and fathers from contracting privately, either to pay private child support or to waive it altogether.

See, e.g. discussion at CLASP -- What If All the Money Came Home http://www.clasp.org/pubs/childenforce/pilr2300.htm For definition of "legal fiction" see http://www.thelawyerpages.com/legalterms/L.

Comment: The legal fiction (aided and abetted by widespread public misconceptions about what constitutes a "parent" under the law) also is responsible for the avalanching trend -- contrary to historical jurisprudence and contrary to the relationship-based notion of "family" that underlies the "liberty interest" respected by the U.S. Constitution -- to consider unwed nonresident biological sires to be "legal fathers." It is considered to be in the public interest to establish someone as a second parent (like an insurance policy) to hold responsible for supporting a household with children in case one parent cannot do it alone -- even if if that someone is a man who was never married to the mother, even if continuing with the pregnancy was the unilateral decision of the woman, and even if such contributions are neither needed nor wanted by the mother. This idea as a premise of the law frequently benefits neither men nor women in its immediate application. In its long-term jurisprudential effects, it is particularly noxious with regard to notions of women's equal abilities, responsibilities and rights, freedom of contract, and partnership theories of marriage, family, alimony and childbearing. The application of this fiction underlies father's rights claims for joint custody in the hopes of eliminating the financial imposition by becoming an equivalent half-time single parent household providing child support "in kind," and in a number of other ways it also bolsters the strategy of rather vicious agenda -- elevating patriarchal notions of fatherhood while turning the clock back on women's independence and rights.

See generally, liznotes, and articles Male Bashing? and on the National Fatherhood Initiative. Contact liz if you have a need for further information and resources.


You can read more myths and facts on the Liz Library.

Ill-Equipped for Parenthood: Project Fatherhood

Fiscal YearOPDIVGrantee NameAward TitleSum of Actions
2008 ACF CHILDREN`S INSTITUTE , INC PROMOTING RESPONSIBLE FATHERHOOD, COMMUNITY ACCESS PROGRAM $ 1,000,000


Courtesy of Project Fatherhood, headquarters Los Angeles, California:
Rick was just 19 and the father of three children when he first came to CII seeking help. Realizing that the children's teenage mother was ill-equipped to handle the responsibilities of parenthood, Rick applied for and was awarded custody of his children. Although he believed he could find a way to make a life for his family, the challenges of being a single father, on a limited income, without knowledge of or access to available resources, felt overwhelming...
I'm definitely glad that part of that $1mil could go to help him.

I would like to know though, at what point did Rick (who was 19) decide that the mom "ill-equipped"? Was that before, or after they had sex? Especially in that, they both were teens... and also, unless the mom was 19 also, couldn't we be talking about a statutory rape charge?

Also, why would he be a single father anyway? Unless mom died.

Tuesday

CNN Finally Addresses Father Killing Sprees

UPDATED!!!

For some of us, CNN is the official news source, meaning, it ain't even important, unless we see in on CNN! So many murders, murder-suicides, and familicides have taken place since 2009 began, but few of them have made it to CNN headlines.

Many local news sources have made trivial attempts at explaining the deaths and the perpetrators' motivations. There have been maybe one or two great articles that do not site the economy exclusively (See 52 Days of Domestic Violence Flu), because it's not really the economy, but rather the thinking that prevails in a paternalistic society like ours. (See The Murder Suicide Epidemic: Larger Longitude Study Debunks "Mother Killer Myth" and, Family Annihilations, Murder-Suicides: Warning Signs Go Unheeded Because We Normalize Them and, Join Up the Dots)

This front page article on CNN (as of 10pm 5/19), Despondent dads driven to kill loved ones, presents multiple reasons behind why these fathers choose to murder. The economy is cited as a stressor, but at least it doesn't overpower the fact that murder is still a choice that is being made by those thirsty for power and control. The two reasons cited are "revenge" and "despondency."

Mental health was also cited as a factor (as usual):
Case Western researchers found that more than three-fourths of the offenders in 30 murder-suicides in the Cleveland, Ohio, area had signs of mental illness. Half of the men had borderline personality disorders, which trigger significant mood upheavals, impulsiveness and feelings of worthlessness.
So, now that this information has been provided, what are we going to do with it?

I'll warn you, CNN, that you may get some hate mail/emails/phone calls and a nasty campaign from fathers' rights groups in the near future for posting this article (like Lifetime Network and the DART bus ads). They will say that you are doing fathers a disservice, and that not all men are violent, and that this piece is misandrist, and that you have been infiltrated by the feminazis that also took over the family court...never mind the fact that many women, children and a few innocent men are dead and continue to die almost weekly, never mind that you are not talking about ALL men, never mind that this society spends all of its time talking about this and that bad mother (and when men abuse, women are "failing to protect"), never mind that society remains intent on using the field of psychology to exclusively label and punish women/mothers (the Mother's Act, Parental Alienation), never mind that those who control the media outlets are men.

And I ask again, now that this information has been provided, what are we going to do with it? More will die next week. More restraining orders will be ignored, more judges will disregard the law, more psychologists will violate ethics...What are we going to do?




I just noticed that CNN's Father-Killer Timeline, to which I linked above, is utterly inadequate. Please visit Violence Against Women and Children News Central, Intimate and Domestic Violence in the News, Violent Angry Men, and Chaos Theory's murder-suicide map for more accurate accounts of the 2009 murders.


Also read great comments on Shakesville!:
Also, it's telling that you don't see nearly as many mentally ill women killing their spouses for reasons not related to domestic violence. If mental illness were the sole reason men so often kill their wives and children, mentally ill women would be doing it, too. Instead they usually hurt themselves or, sometimes, their children...

Stepmothers Cannot Replace Biological Mothers

(emphasis mine)

Myth -- Stepmothers are acceptable substitutes for children's real mothers. [This is the cherished belief of many re-coupled nonprimary caregiving fathers who seek custody, and also of the custody evaluators who indulge them.]

Fact: "It has been consistently found that stepfamilies are not as close as nuclear families (Kennedy, 1985; Pill, 1990) and that stepparent-stepchild relationships are not as emotionally close as parent-child relationships (Ganong & Coleman, 1986; Hetherington & Chlingempeel, 1992, Hobart, 1989) Many clinicians and researchers assume that stepfamilies tend to become closer over time. However, previous longitudinal studies conducted on stepfamilies have found little empirical support for this (Hetherington & Clingempeel, 1992; Kurdek, 1991).

"Exploring the Stepgap: How Parents' Ways of Coping with Daily Family Stressors Impact Stepparent-Stepchild Relationship Zuality in Stepfamilies," by Melady Preece. University of British Columbia. (1996) http://www.psych.ubc.ca/~mpreece/compdoc.pdf

Fact: "The one most significant factor that neutralizes the advantages of remarrying is the psychological dilemma the child goes through over whom to love. The child seems to be polarized, for example, between loving the woman (the mother) who is now, as it usually happens, hated by the father, and the new woman (the stepmother) whom the father deeply loves. Virginia Rutter describes this conflict as "divided loyalty". She further explains that the child feels torn because their parents are pulling them in opposite directions. The symptoms of this divided royalty are that they brew up bad behavior or depression, a forced psychological path to resolve the conflict between the parents (Rutter). On the other hand children whose parents remain single do not experience this because no new figure (stepparent) is introduced to trigger that psychological trauma."

"Reconstituted families vs Single-Parent Families." http://wl.middlebury.edu/derick/ ; Rutter, Virginia. "Lessons From Stepfamilies". Psychology Today. Sussex Publishers, Inc. May-June 1994 Vol27 n3 p30 (10). Oct. 31, 2002.

Fact: "Adolescents, however, would rather separate from the family as they form their own identities. "The developmental needs of the adolescent are at odds with the developmental push of the new stepfamily for closeness and bonding,".

Id. Also see "NEW PERSPECTIVES ON STEPFAMILIES:STEP IS NOT A FOUR LETTER WORD," by Susan Gamache, M.A., R.C.C.* STEPFAMILIES, Fall 1994 http://www.saafamilies.org/education/articles/prof/gameche.htm

Fact: "Only about 20% of adult stepkids feel close to their stepmoms, says the pioneering work of E. Mavis Hetherington involving 1,400 families of divorce, some studied almost 30 years. 'The competition between non-custodial mothers and stepmothers was remarkably enduring," she writes in For Better or For Worse: Divorce Reconsidered. 'Only about one-third of adult children think of stepmoms as parents,' suggests Constance Ahrons' 20-year research project. Half regard their stepdads as parents. About 48% of those whose moms had remarried were happy with the new union. Only 29% of those whose dads had remarried liked the idea of a stepmom.'

"Stepmoms step up to the plate," by Karen S. Peterson, USA TODAY. 5/6/2002) http://www.usatoday.com/life/2002/2002-05-07-stepmom.htm

Fact: "Stepmothers have the most difficulty building a relationship with stepdaughters. There is generally less affection, less respect, and less acceptance in this relationship than in other stepfamily relationships. The daughter may resent the stepmother's closeness with her father... Attempts by the stepmother to fulfill her role in the stepfamily may be perceived by the stepdaughter as efforts to replace her mother."

"Building Step Relationships." Stepping Stones for Stepfamilies. http://www.extension.iastate.edu/Publications/PM1832.pdf

Fact: "Stepmothers are also found to have more problematic relationship with stepchildren; while children, particularly girls, also experience higher stress when they are living with their stepmothers. (Jacobson, 1987 in Visher & Visher, 1993). Visher & Visher (1979) suggested that teenage daughters identify strongly with their mothers and resent any woman who replaces their mother for the father's affection. Teenage daughters also exhibit much competitiveness with their stepmothers for their father's affection. These findings suggested that there are strong situational dynamics at work that create special relationship problems for stepmother families. Difficulty between the children's mother and stepmother has also been mentioned as a possible contribution to the greater stress in stepmother families. (Visher & Visher 1988)

"Exploring the Difficulties of stepmothers in the Hong Kong Chinese Society," by Kwok Yuen-ching, Lily.The Hong Kong Polytechnic University (1998) http://swforum.socialnet.org.hk/article/fulltext/990502.doc

Also see: Ganong & Coleman. Remarried Family Relatioships Sage Publications. (1994); Visher, J.S. & Visher, E.B. "Stepfamilies: A Guide To Working With Stepparents & Stepchildren." Brunner/Mazel New York (1979); Visher, J.S. & Visher, E.B. "Old Loyalties,New Ties." Therapeutic Strategies with Stepfamilies Brunner/Mazel New York (1988); Visher, J.S. & Visher, E.B. " Remarriage Families and Stepparenting" in Walsh, T. (ed.) Normal Family Processes. New York Guilford Press (1993); Vuchinich S. et al (1991) "Parent-Child Interaction and Gender Differences in Early Adolescents." Adaptation to Stepfamilies. Developmental Psychology 1991 Vol. 27, No.4; Smith, Donna. "Stepmothering." Harvester Wheatsheaf. New York (1990)

Fact: "Children raised in families with stepmothers are likely to have less health care, less education and less money spent on their food than children raised by their biological mothers, three studies by a Princeton economist have found. The studies examined the care and resources that parents said they gave to children and did not assess the quality of the relationships or the parents' feelings and motives. But experts said that while the findings did not establish the image of the wicked stepmother as true, they supported the conclusion that, for complex reasons, stepmothers do invest less in children than biological mothers do, with fathers, to a large extent, leaving to women the responsibility for the family's welfare."

"Differences Found in Care With Stepmothers," by Tamar Lewin, Tim Shaffer for The New York Times Susan Sasse, vice president of the International Stepfamily Association, with her husband, Erik, and their children in Chesapeake City, Md. (August 17, 2000) http://www.geocities.com/thesagacontinues2000/stepmoms.html

Also see http://www.geocities.com/wellesley/9204/custody.html; and "What's Normal In a Stepfamily"? by Peter K. Gerlach, MSW. Board member Stepfamily Association of America http://sfhelp.org/04/reality3.htm

Also see: Children living with custodial fathers are less likely to have health insurance than children who live with their mothers. http://www.census.gov/prod/2003pubs/p60-224.pdf

Fact: "[C]hildren experiencing multiple transitions, experiencing them later in childhood, and those living in stepfamilies fared poorly in comparison with those living their entire childhood in stable single-parent families or moving into two-parent families with biological or adoptive parents. Other studies show benefits of stable single-parent living arrangements for children's socioemotional adjustment and global wellbeing (Acock & Demo, 1994), and deleterious effects of multiple transitions (Capaldi & Patterson, 1991; Kurdek, Fine, & Sinclair, 1995), supporting a life-stress perspective."

David H Demo, Martha J Cox (2000) Families With Young Children: A Review of Research in the 1990s Journal of Marriage and Family 62 (4), 876-895.

Fact: "[R]esearch suggests that being a stepparent is more difficult than raising one's own biological children, especially for stepmothers, and that stepmothers may compete with the child for the father's time and attention."

Pasley, K., & Moorefield, B. S. (2004). Stepfamilies: Changes and challenges. In M. Coleman & L. H. Ganong (Eds.), Handbook of contemporary families (pp. 317-330), cited in Valarie King (2007) When Children Have Two Mothers: Relationships With Nonresident Mothers, Stepmothers, and Fathers Journal of Marriage and Family 69 (5), 1178-1193.



You can read more at the Liz Library
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We all know good and bad stepmothers, some are well-intentioned, others are.... These women are often in quite a mess of a situation: They are in their 2nd and 3rd marriages, determined to make the current marriage work, insistent that this husband is the best (or at least a little better than the last), and sometimes constantly having to convince themselves of this. They often already have children that they are fully responsible for and in addition, they become the caretakers of the husband's children (please read Remarried Custodial Fathers As Caregivers).

Stepmothers generally believe their husband's word, as gospel, about his ex wife and are often staunch leaders in the attack against his former girlfriends and wives. She must believe it because it was her choice to marry such a "wonderful" man and surround herself in this complex situation. She cannot look stupid, again. Any woman before her can become the enemy in her attempt to boost her self-esteem.

A stepmother is a husband's greatest advocate. A judge in an Australian child sex abuse custody case opines [on the stepmother]:
"This lady was an impressive person and witness. I thought she was honest and attempting to assist the court. She clearly supports the father and trusts him implicitly. She would not contemplate a future with him if she suspected that he had been abusing his child .
**Custody was given to the father

They can be like Bonnie and Clyde.

(See: Father Let His 12 Year-Old Daughter Die A Slow Hideous Death After Beating and Scalding

Father Accused Child's Mother of Abuse in Custody Case; Stepmother Kills Child

Father and Stepmother Tortured 9 Year-Old Child

Stepmother Stabs 14 Year-Old Boy

Father and Stepmother Punched Around 8 Year-Old to "Toughen Him Up" and/or as "Play Hitting"

Where was Her Mommy? Dad and Stepmonster Charged with Criminal Mistreatment

Child Abuse Charges for Minnesota Father, Stepmonster)


From Family in Court for Brutal Child Abuse (in a rare case in which a father was charged for failure to protect, emphasis mine):
The future is uncertain for a two-year-old boy allegedly beaten unconscious by his stepmother. As he continues to recover from severe brain injuries, his family appeared before a Lee County judge trying to decide who will take care of young Kaydin on his long road to recovery.

Rosemary Kunz showed up for family court Wednesday morning.

The Department of Children and Families is investigating child abuse allegations against Kunz.

Detectives say she confessed to hitting her stepson, tripping him, and knocking him unconscious.

She went as far as to say she was "addicted to abusing him" and that she "liked to see him cry."
**Kinda makes you afraid to let your kid go with dad. All we ever hear about is stepDADS and mothers' boyfriends who do the abusing.

Child support is owed to the ex, taking money away from the family, custody battles may ensue...Stepmothers get stressed trying to hold up the family and juggle each situation as it presents. Much anger and resentment is built. I have seen many a stepmother talk absolute shit about her husband's ex AND the children.

Here's an excerpt by Leeahn Griffin-Scott:
"The 2nd X is a psychopathicredheadedfreakofnature. I kid you not. This woman is an unmittigated lunatic. My wonderful husband partnered with her as he walked out the door of his first marriage. Long story. My wonderful husband has a 9yr old child to this fool...

I know this is an awful thing to say, but if I never saw his children again it would be too too damn soon. I cannot and never will forgive them for what they have done to their father. I on the other hand, can and should expect some problems. But what they have done to the only parent that loves them more than life itself, is absolutely without question unforgiveable."
Is it her place to judge a woman she truly knows nothing about? Do stepmothers not understand karma?

My advice to stepmothers or potentials would be to do a background check on your prospective mate...maybe all of those injunctions for protection aren't just "false allegations." Get to know his family members. Keep in mind that their beliefs about him may be exaggerated in either direction. And most of all, don't make enemies with his ex. Everything that she is saying may not be false...Think about it! She knows him better than his mama because she's been sleeping with him and putting up with his shit. She knows his mannerisms, habits, friends...She should be your ally because you never know, one day, you made need her assistance so that you can join forces.

On a personal note, I once, very briefly and nebulously tried to tell my ex's current wife about the abuse we had suffered, and why I was fighting so hard in my custody battle. She told me that she would never allow "those types" of things to go on in her household, and that they had a very "loving" family. Verbatim, she said,

"There are three sides to every story..."

Which I took to mean,

"Whatever, bitch!"

But she was cordial and reminiscent of a virgin. I left it at that.

Here this "woman" was trying to tell me about the man she had been married to for one year. One. I've known him for more than a decade.