Tuesday

Minimizing the Crime

Imagine being a victim of a murder...that means you'd be dead--so what is there to imagine? But, upon looking down from heaven, do you say to yourself,
Well, it was just murder!
or,
Damn, I wasn't murdered that bad!
or better still,
At least my murder wasn't worse than hers!

No, that's absurd.  But as a survivor of domestic violence, I am forced to question the crimes in which I was the victim. 

The general disbelief society experiences surrounding these type of crimes against women forces me to re-evaluate my own belief system. I know what is right and wrong, but right and wrong become relative to the situation in which the right or wrong occurred. And society tells women that rape is wrong, but then slaps me in the face when I say something about. The law tells you domestic violence is a crime, but they turn around and shame me for having "participated" in it.

I remember when I called my first domestic violence agency over a year ago. I was nervous as hell, but very frantic.
What is domestic violence? Do you serve victims that do not have scars? Do you serve those that are not recent victims?
I had to ask those questions, as if I never knew what domestic violence was. Funny thing was because I wasn't in immediate danger, this agency referred me to another agency.

I had no physical remnants on my body.  My brain may beg to differ.  I carry around the emotional and psychological scarring which is superficially concealed to the unconcerned eye.  Therefore, I didn't know if the agencies would, or could, serve me.  I mean, how do they help me if I just realized that day that I had been a victim?

I almost felt like a fool.  I wouldn't go to group because I thought that I would see women with bruises and black eyes...and that they would laugh at me for being so lucky.  So they worked with me individually and explained to me the various forms of domestic violence.  I didn't even know that it included marital rape.

That was the beginning of my recovery and the end of my silence.


“Too much mercy... often resulted in further crimes which were fatal to innocent victims who need not have been victims if justice had been put first and mercy second.”--Agatha Christie

1 advocates for peace:

Laine said...

Hi Randi,

I'd be more than happy to do a link exchange.

Laine