Saturday

...and Some of Them are Women

It would be simple if I could limit my hatred to all men, or maybe, all ignorant men, or even solely abusive males, who THINK they are men; but, it isn't that simple...because some of them are women.

"Them" who? Let me give some examples.

A. My ex's attorney is a woman. I have not yet seen her. I know nothing about her, nor her practice/firm. This woman is defending the rights of a "man," who perhaps should have no rights in the given circumstance. She is supporting a man who has abused women and children for nearly a decade. She is speaking for a man who is only concerned with his own best interest. Does she know this? Does she believe this? Does it matter?

B. I was referred to an agency that provides legal assistance to low income persons and victims of domestic violence. It so happened that the attorney I consulted with was a woman. I had great hopes that she would be able to advocate for me and defend me. The main thing that has been etched into my memory was this (paraphrased, at best):
I have seen children overcome the most harsh abuse...Children are so resilient...The abuse is in the past and the children must move forward...And fathers have rights...if this is about money, see if you can offer him to pay a lower child support amount in exchange for [your own rights].
I could not believe this came from out a woman's mouth, let alone an attorney. Does she really believe in this? And if she doesn't isn't it in her means to change something as a representative of the law? as a representative of women?

C. I have a female family member that insists that consequences are the result of people's poor decision-making. What she really means is that whatever has happened to you, is your fault. She has a minimal amount of empathy and/or sympathy for those that are suffering.

I accept responsibility for my actions, however, the logic she presents is flawed. Perhaps, if I didn't get married then I wouldn't have found myself subjected to any abuse, but it didn't begin in the marriage. Perhaps if I didn't get into a relationship with a man, it would not have happened...but let's go further. Perhaps if I didn't have sex with a man, it would not have happened...Perhaps if I did not befriend a man, it would not have happened...Perhaps if I did not know a man, it would not have happened...and ultimately...Perhaps if there were NO men, it would not have happened.

It is like being a driver--you can be aware of other drivers, the roads, and your surroundings. You can be the most cautious, careful driver in the world. But you can't control the actions of another driver who comes and crashes into you without a moment's notice. Is that your fault, too?

I must admit though, because I was raised in a highly judgmental environment, I grew to be one of "those" women. I was quick to raise a defense for a man, especially a Black man, involved in a crime...even if that crime was rape. I was your classic "maybe she didn't carry herself well" or "maybe she wasn't clear with her intent" female hater. It wasn't that I didn't believe the women, I just didn't identify with the victim.

I am changed, but so many women are not. As I browse around online message boards and listen to media commentary, I hear and see that there are many out there. How can you demean your sistas? How can you misrepresent women in the face of male-dominated industries? How can you turn your backs on children and their mothers? How can you site inaccurate and skewed statistics and blame victims. Your schemes are ill-conceived and you are a threat the stability and future of women worldwide. There will always be sexism until your ignorance and antics are abolished.

The battle for the individual rights of women is one of long standing and none of us should countenance anything which undermines it.”--Eleanor Roosevelt

0 advocates for peace: